Dante Revised

In his epic poem, "Dante's Inferno", Dante Alighieri described the seven circles of hell (there are actually nine, but that's beside the point) in disturbing detail. He explained the sort of sinner in each circle, the various tortures they were subjected to, and the famous people he met in each circle.
     Well, folks, today, I entered my own sort of hell in my web design class. Although the experience was truly horrible (I was this close to smashing the computer with the nearest sledgehammer), it provided me with the inspiration for this list:

The Seven Circles of Technological Hell

(AKA, the places where the technologically impaired go to suffer)

• Circle One- The Maze of Minor Malfunctions: Sinners are made to wander endlessly through a giant maze with only a malfunctioning GPS system for a guide.
• Circle Two- The Troubleshooting Trap:The damned are subjected to the average desktop computer's Troubleshooting Guide. Enough said.  
• Circle Three- The Crypt of Crashing Computers: Wrong-doers are given a computer and are told that if they can finish a project, they will be released to purgatory. However, the computers crash about every 15 minutes, so this is virtually impossible.
• Circle Four- The Labyrinth of Lazy Loading: Sinners are told that at any moment, they will be released into a labyrinth and left to wander forever. However, this labyrinth is still loading.....
• Circle Five- The Flash Forum: Evil-doers are made to hold an internet forum on the Flash computer program, which is possibly the most complicated and mind-bogglingly annoying thing I've ever worked with.
• Circle Six- The Biting Bytes: Creatures called bites are sent after sinners to bite and torture them for all eternity.
• Circle Seven- The Grave of Glitches: Wrong-doers are set to work on fixing supposedly "minor" glitches which, in reality, are so incredibly difficult not even the nerdiest computer-geek could repair them.

          So there it is, folks-- The Seven Circles of Technological Hell. Hopefully, you will never enter any of these circles, and if you do, well, gook luck.

Thanks for listening,

Maggs