To Write a Sonnet

     As the poetry-gurus among my readers may have noticed, my last poem was in sonnet-form, a way of writing a poem with a catchy rhyme scheme, a good rhythm, and a short-and- sweet length. For all you non-poetry-gurus out there, and also for those of you who don't have a clue, I have made a guideline for writing a sonnet in a relatively painless way.
     But before you (attempt to) write a sonnet, you should know the basic guidelines. A sonnet has to be 14 lines long. It is composed of three quatrains (short sections of poem with four lines each) and a couplet (two-line poem that rhymes) that ties the whole thing off. If you're writing in iambic pentameter (the usual format for a Shakespearean sonnet), each line has to have ten syllables, and the pattern of the syllables must go unstressed, stressed, unstressed, stressed, etc., until the end of the line. In addition to all this, the first line of each quatrain has to rhyme with the third line of the same quatrain, and the second line has to rhyme with the fourth line of the quatrain. 
     Now that you know the anatomy of a sonnet, here's how to actually write one yourself:

How to Write a Sonnet  

(AKA, poet-ing for the non-poetic)

• First, think of a topic. It should be something you feel strongly about or will have a lot of inspiration for. For example, if you just got a new puppy, you could try writing your poem about him. On the other hand, it wouldn't be a good idea to write about something you don't care about, such as the list of formulas you're required to know to pass your algebra final. 
• Second, you need to find a line that grabs the audience's attention. For example, Shakespeare starts his 18th sonnet (a love poem) with the line, "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?" Now, that might not sound very romantic to us here in the 21st century, but think about it: Ladies, if a boy came up to you one day and told you that you were so absolutely incredible you reminded him of a beautiful day in June, wouldn't that just melt your heart? 
• Now remember, this line must be 10 syllables long, and it must end in a word that you're willing to rhyme with in the third line of your first quatrain. Also, don't forget the syllable pattern: unstressed, stressed, unstressed, stressed.
• Next is the second line: this one's not too bad, because you don't have to rhyme with anything yet. Expand upon the first line a bit.
• Third and fourth lines are a little harder: you have to keep the syllable pattern, and you also have to rhyme. Try keeping a piece of scratch paper next to you so you can try out lines and make a list of possible words you could rhyme.
• In the second quatrain, expand more upon the first stanza (a stanza is a section of a poem, sometimes with its own set of rhymes). Shakespeare doesn't just tell his girl that she's like a summer's day, he also goes on to say things like, "thou art more lovely and more temperate" (meaning, you're as wonderful as a day in June and then some).
• Take a deep breath: you're almost there!
• The third quatrain is almost like a cliff hanger. It shakes things up, adds a little conflict and, "wait, what?!" to the poem. Shall we look once again at Shakespeare's 18th sonnet? To start his third quatrain off, he says, "But thy eternal summer shall not fade". Yeah, so what? Well, folks, he basically just told her that she's always going to be beautiful, even when she's old. Awww, what a guy!
• So for your sonnet about your puppy, if you talked about how sweet he was for the first two stanzas, you might want to mention the way he tries to eat everything in sight, or those puddles he leaves around when you go off without him in your third quatrain.
• Lastly, we have the couplet. Although it's not as long as the other stanzas, it's just as, if not more, important. Remember the conflict in the third quatrain? Well, this couplet resolves that, "wait, what?!" moment. It also ties up any loose ends in the sonnet and leaves the reader with a lasting impression of your writing. In my opinion, no one does this better than Shakespeare as he closes his aforementioned love poem with, "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see/So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."  If you were wondering how Shakespeare's girl could be pretty even in old age, the couplet sums it up perfectly. As to what it means, well, you're going to have to figure that out for yourself.

Thanks for listening, and good luck 

with your sonnets, my poetic friends!

Maggs

        

Dear Valentine:

A Vengeful Valentine's Day

A sonnet for my precious valentine:

the one who holds my heart and my esteem.

Will you be good to me, will you be mine?

Will you be kind as at first you did seem?

You are the best there is, or so I think.

And our love is as perfect as could be.

When I found you I found my missing link

'cause I am sure that you're the guy for me.

But what my heart says is not always true,

 and love is not as great as I first said.

Because, Valentine, when it comes to you,

I sometimes wish that you were cold and dead.

To you all I say: "Happy Holiday!"

(One that's better than mine was, anyway)

Copyright MPK 2011, all rights reserved, unauthorized use is prohibited.

What Are Our Kids Learning?

     While recently watching such Disney classics as "Toy Story 2" and "Cinderella", I began to wonder: what, exactly, are the young impressionable children of the next generation learning from such films? Well, here's a list:

Top Ten Things Disney Movies Teach Kids

1. Hiding inside a traffic cone is a perfectly safe way to cross a street
2. Ogres are like onions
3. Never trust your stepmother
4. Animals can talk (but that's not necessarily a good thing)
5. Sing-- whether you want your prince to come or you have to take some disgusting medicine, singing always helps
6. Death by monkeys-- a terrifying, and all-too-real, possibility
7. Laughter is an anti-gravity agent
8. Talking to clocks, trees, and granite statues is completely normal
9. Kissing is both a romantic pass-time and a life saver!
10. Pixie dust-- cheaper than airlines since February 5th, 1953*

     Just in case you've been curious about those Disney movies and whether or not they're appropriate for your child, you now have a list that will hopefully help you decide which parts of Beauty and the Beast to censor.

Thanks for listening!

Maggs

*Did you get that cultural reference, America? If not, search for Peter Pan on Wikipedia.

Superbowl Sunday

     The Big Game is today, and the evidence is everywhere. Here in the Midwest, most of us are rooting for the Packers-- after all, better a team from your region than from halfway across the country, right? However, not everyone agrees. Some truly loyal fans insist on wearing Vikings or Bears colors and jerseys today, but most people, true Packer fans or not, are decked out in green and gold in honor of our regional representative.
     As I said, the evidence of such a momentous event is everywhere. If there's a way someone can display their loyalty to the Packers, then believe me, I've seen it. From the alarming number of slightly hideous green and gold sweaters with footballs embroidered on them, to the special, "Green Bay Pizzas" with green and yellow peppers that stores are selling, I've seen it all. Allow me to elaborate:
     This morning, upon entering our local grocery store to do a bit of pre-game snack shopping with my family, the first thing I saw was a giant display made out of soda that spelled out, "Go Pack" in green Mtn. Dew cases. In addition to this, most of the people around me were showing their support by wearing anything remotely football related. I saw everything from festive green and gold beads to kids with Packer helmets drawn on their faces. People have gone crazy, buying green and yellow tortilla chips and any other foods they can find that bear the Packer colors.
     It's not just what I've seen, but what I've heard, too. In the aisles, people are making plans to meet up at each other's houses an hour or so before the game to get in the spirit of things before kickoff even begins. Slightly out-of-it moms confirm the game time with each other so that they won't miss the start of the, "Biggest Game of the Year" while they stock up on munchies so they won't have to leave their houses during half time. People of all ages are making bets with each other, declaring things like, "If the Packers win, you have to wear an Aaron Rodgers jersey all day Monday, but if they lose, then I'll wear your Vikings sweatshirt for the rest of the week!"  
     Yup, here in the Midwest, things are certainly crazy. But give us a break, ok? After all, the Superbowl comes but once a year!


Thanks for listening (and may the best team win),
Maggs    

The Guys

     Prince Charming-- he's handsome, gentleman-like, and an all around "great catch" for the princesses. Everyone knows who he is, or at least, we think we do. My question today is, "Who are the heroes of our love stories, and would any girl really want to spend a 'happily ever after' with one of them?" Well, let's take a closer look: 

The Heroes

Prince Charming

Story: Cinderella

Physical Description: Tall, handsome, charming, etc. Seems not to posses actual teeth; just one white block that shows when he smiles

Good Qualities: Yeah, I couldn't think of any, either

Bad Qualities: Doesn't have any personality, fails even to introduce himself properly* and/or make conversation, is bored with the rest of the world, and only likes Cinderella for her beauty (do you think if she showed up at the ball in her servant's clothes that he would've even looked at her?)

Heathcliff

Story: Wuthering Heights

Physical Description: Handsome, strong, and dark-skinned

Good Qualities: Seems to have found a way to look past Catherine's terrible personality, is a hard worker, and never gives up**

Bad Qualities: Insane. Insane. Insane. Insane. Likes revenge just a tad too much. Insane. Insane. Insane.

Edward

Story: Twilight

Physical Description: Handsome, sparkly, and golden-eyed

Good Qualities: Loves Bella a ton, despite her ditziness, and is very good at protecting her

Bad Qualities: Over-protective, drinks blood, would eat Bella if he didn't have a conscience, and possibly has no soul

Romeo

Story: Romeo and Juliet

Physical Description: Shakespeare doesn't really say

Good Qualities: Awesomely romantic, says sweet things that would make any girl love him, brave

Bad Qualities: Possibly twice Juliet's age, Montague (if you're a Capulet, that's a really bad quality), and has very little loyalty when it comes to girls*** 

     So I ask you, female readers of my blog: would you really want to marry any of those guys and live with them ever after? Personally, I would say no. But you've got to think about it for yourself.

Thanks for listening,

Maggs

*Did you know that in Disney's Cinderella, the prince doesn't even know her name?

**Did you know that it Heathcliff spends several years getting his revenge on everyone?

***Did you know that at the beginning of Romeo and Juliet, Romeo is actually in love with some other girl?