The Doldrums

By the beginning of July, people begin to get a bit bored with summer. All your plans in early June to, "go outside more often" or "read more books than ever" have either fallen flat, or have already been carried out. For younger people like me, you start to stay inside and watch more T.V. For the adults out there, you no longer plan elaborate meals on the grill or family picnics for dinner after work. You turn to frozen pizza- at least it keeps the kids happy, right?

This state of tiresome existence is called The Doldrums. It is not a pleasant place to be, but most of us end up there eventually. You can only do so much with your summer, after all. For all of those out there suffering in The Doldrums, here's something to take your mind off of it:

The Tom Swifty. Here are a few by David Lubar, from his book Sleeping Freshmen Never Lie:

• "Who turned off the lights?" said Tom dimly
• "I lost my wrists," Tom said offhandedly
• "I'd like a hotdog," Tom said frankly
• "Stop this horse!" Tom said haltingly

Get it? Here are a few of my own:

• "I think your clarinet's a bit flat," Tom said tunelessly.
• "That plant needs watering," Tom said dryly.
• "You sound like a broken record," said Tom repeatedly.
• "I've lost all of my clothes!" Tom said barely.

Thinking up Tom Swifties is a great way to beat The Doldrums. Give it a try- you can even post your best ones on this site in the form of a comment.

Thanks for listening,

Maggs

Top Ten Reasons Why....

Let's face it. We all (at least those of us under the age of eighteen) wonder why we have to go to school. And a few nights ago, while procrastinating an algebra assignment, I came up with a list of reasons why. Here you go:

The Top Ten Reasons to Go to School

1. Someday, you could go on Jeopardy and win big because of your eighth grade history class.

2. You'll need to be able to tell your grandkids how difficult school was when you were young if they ever complain about their classes.

3. You need to know something to impress the in-laws.

4. Two words: truancy officers.

5. Learning how to count will give you the ability to not look like an idiot compared to the rest of society.

6. Can you say, "gets all the best bargains on Black Friday because she's been calculating percents since the seventh grade"?

7. Calculus is so fun, and if you don't learn your rational equations, you'll never get to give it a try!

8. It "builds character".

9. Everyone loves memorizing all the dates of the battles in World War One, especially since nobody knows why it actually started...

10. And last but not least, the only reason that summer is any fun is because it's time away from school. So if there was no school, we would have summer all the time and everyone would be really sunburned, bored to tears, and entirely fed up with watching re-runs of Little House On The Prairie.

Thanks for listening!

Maggs